That's a line from an editors song.
Its true. Think about it. These aren't people who just ended up in the hospital for some crazy reason. Those people are thinking "whoa, I'm in the hospital. Get me the fuck out of here." These are old, really sick people. They're slipping away day by day, and they're not even doing it on a beach or in a nice condo. They're at a public hospital in nowhere, New Jersey. California. Wherever. They're living there because they're there to die. And that fix, that little thrill, its still enough to get them out of bed. In to the sunlight. To kill themselves a little faster. Vampires. Then they go back inside to try and live a little longer.
That's how I picture it anyway. Maybe it's some women who's mother is dying in the operating room. Or a new father who just held his kid for the first time.
It's the most depressing thing in the world.
And this fucking band manages to make this the most uplifting, beautiful thing you'll ever hear. I laugh and cry every time I hear it. Amazing.
Sometimes, sometimes I think I've got things pretty well figured out.
Sometimes, sometimes I know I don't have a clue. And that's awesome and scary and hilarious. Its comforting, disconcerting, compelling. Amazing. That's life.
Heh.
Heh.
Maybe I've got it figured out after all?
Tonight.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
I am written on a subway wall.
Today I sat in the waiting room at my doctor's office, reading a story by a well known son-of-a-bitch author. The story was called "GREAT POETS DIE IN STEAMING POTS OF SHIT", written like that in CAPS. All the dialogue was LIKE THAT, ALL IN CAPS. too. I read the first page and then I was stopped by an idea. The idea was to call a character in the next story I write LEGION, for whatever reason to be explained within the story (or not). I mulled it over for a minute and then read the next page, and at the bottom of the page one of the two characters in the story was revealed to be LEGION, which was not explain. It was one of those odd little coincidences. You know the ones. It was like the time I was at my friend's apartment. He had some music playing on his bedroom TV, because everything does everything nowadays, and without reason I started singing the chorus to that Smash Mouth song "Might As Well Be Walkin On The Sun". You know, one of the only three Smash Mouth songs anyone has ever heard. And about three hours later, after we'd gotten pretty stoned and started in on our game of poker, "Might As Well Be Walkin On The Sun" started playing in the other room and we had to marvel at the weirdness of it.
I had another longer strange tale like this to tell, one that really made my weekend, but I'm not going to tell it.
I had another longer strange tale like this to tell, one that really made my weekend, but I'm not going to tell it.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
stricken from the narrative wholesale: a back drop to the tale
Sometimes opposites attract, and sometimes they don't.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Oh yeah that sucks
Okay, Brad was right, Man Man sucks. Sorry members of Man Man, I know you're Fan Fans. See what I did there?
And for the keen, the post title is a line from a LaGrecia song, so as not to break my blog-naming strategy. For the not-so-keen, every blog title is a lyric. The secret is out!
And strangely enough, even though I didn't actually post it until like fifteen minutes ago, my last entry still shows up as having been posted on "Tuesday August 18th" the day I began it and left it half finished and waiting to be posted. I could've just finished it and you, loyal reader, would've been none the wiser. Oh well.
Oh, and you know what are weird? Brown outs. It's when your power goes out, but only sort of. Some things don't work (like TV and internet and microwaves) but most of your lights do...except they're really really dim. Then you spend a few hours in a very dim environment and your eyes adjust, then BAM your lights are back, and everything is bright as fuck. I'm a big believer in electricity and all, but I have never honestly appreciated more than I did after three hours of it not working at full capacity. Sheesh.
And for the keen, the post title is a line from a LaGrecia song, so as not to break my blog-naming strategy. For the not-so-keen, every blog title is a lyric. The secret is out!
And strangely enough, even though I didn't actually post it until like fifteen minutes ago, my last entry still shows up as having been posted on "Tuesday August 18th" the day I began it and left it half finished and waiting to be posted. I could've just finished it and you, loyal reader, would've been none the wiser. Oh well.
Oh, and you know what are weird? Brown outs. It's when your power goes out, but only sort of. Some things don't work (like TV and internet and microwaves) but most of your lights do...except they're really really dim. Then you spend a few hours in a very dim environment and your eyes adjust, then BAM your lights are back, and everything is bright as fuck. I'm a big believer in electricity and all, but I have never honestly appreciated more than I did after three hours of it not working at full capacity. Sheesh.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
every night turns out to be a little bit more like bukowski
If I'd waited just twenty-four hours to post this it would've been exactly two months to the day since between blog posts, but fuck it.
So I just finished outlining my second novel. This is cool for me, and not just because of the whole "whoa second novel?!" aspect. Yeah, it's awesome that I have a first novel, and its getting published, and hopefully it won't be universally panned and all my friends won't think I'm a terrible writer. No, its also cool because prior to this whenever I've undertaken a writing project or something I've always just winged it (wung it?). To be honest that was a terrible approach and usually resulted in me getting frustrated and abandoning the script or story or whatever halfway through because of plotholes or lack of direction or any number of reasons. So when I finally pushed myself and wrote something substantial (269 pages son!) it turned out to be a Kerouac copycat, stream of consciousness rambling tale. It's even about traveling for christ's sake. And I'm okay with that, cause the parallel is actually intentional. I like how that book turned out (though I'm sure the moment I see it in print I'll cringe at every damn page and think myself a terrible writer. So I probably won't read it...just kidding...maybe). But now if I'm going to keep up this writing thing, I can't be a one trick pony. Kerouac realized that, and I realized that. So when I decided on the story I wanted to write next, I told myself I would outline the whole thing so I remembered exactly the points I wanted to hit and don't get (too) off track. And then I spent the last couple months -----
(this break indicates the nearly forty six hour pause I took to get really drunk, spend several hours in the ocean, go see one of my favorite bands in New York, read a lot, and have an all around good time before coming back to finish this blog)
----- being lazy and coming up with ideas for the book, as well as another one I aim to write after this one (I'm a goddamn machine!!). I actually do that a lot, come up with tons of ideas for some cool story but never string them together in to anything coherent. But this time I outlined some of them and I'm going to turn it in to a novel if it kills me. I also have a film script in the works (and by in the works I mean I'm too lazy to just start writing the fucking thing) and some other ideas cooking. So I suppose I'll post updates about the creative process on here every now and then. Or not.
But anyway, how bout that break huh? I bet the entire internet was holding its breath while I didn't finish a post I started two days ago. I'm sorry, but I do have a life, you know? Anyway, I'm out of shit to say really. I should probably be writing that book I was babbling so much about but instead I'm doing a very Brad thing and myspacing a series of bands in rapid succession. Check out Great Friend Of Mine and Lemons Are Louder Than Rocks. I'm about to try Man Man. I hear they're weird, and Brad says they suck but his opinion is near-useless much of the time, so who knows if I'll make it out alive.
Stay black.
So I just finished outlining my second novel. This is cool for me, and not just because of the whole "whoa second novel?!" aspect. Yeah, it's awesome that I have a first novel, and its getting published, and hopefully it won't be universally panned and all my friends won't think I'm a terrible writer. No, its also cool because prior to this whenever I've undertaken a writing project or something I've always just winged it (wung it?). To be honest that was a terrible approach and usually resulted in me getting frustrated and abandoning the script or story or whatever halfway through because of plotholes or lack of direction or any number of reasons. So when I finally pushed myself and wrote something substantial (269 pages son!) it turned out to be a Kerouac copycat, stream of consciousness rambling tale. It's even about traveling for christ's sake. And I'm okay with that, cause the parallel is actually intentional. I like how that book turned out (though I'm sure the moment I see it in print I'll cringe at every damn page and think myself a terrible writer. So I probably won't read it...just kidding...maybe). But now if I'm going to keep up this writing thing, I can't be a one trick pony. Kerouac realized that, and I realized that. So when I decided on the story I wanted to write next, I told myself I would outline the whole thing so I remembered exactly the points I wanted to hit and don't get (too) off track. And then I spent the last couple months -----
(this break indicates the nearly forty six hour pause I took to get really drunk, spend several hours in the ocean, go see one of my favorite bands in New York, read a lot, and have an all around good time before coming back to finish this blog)
----- being lazy and coming up with ideas for the book, as well as another one I aim to write after this one (I'm a goddamn machine!!). I actually do that a lot, come up with tons of ideas for some cool story but never string them together in to anything coherent. But this time I outlined some of them and I'm going to turn it in to a novel if it kills me. I also have a film script in the works (and by in the works I mean I'm too lazy to just start writing the fucking thing) and some other ideas cooking. So I suppose I'll post updates about the creative process on here every now and then. Or not.
But anyway, how bout that break huh? I bet the entire internet was holding its breath while I didn't finish a post I started two days ago. I'm sorry, but I do have a life, you know? Anyway, I'm out of shit to say really. I should probably be writing that book I was babbling so much about but instead I'm doing a very Brad thing and myspacing a series of bands in rapid succession. Check out Great Friend Of Mine and Lemons Are Louder Than Rocks. I'm about to try Man Man. I hear they're weird, and Brad says they suck but his opinion is near-useless much of the time, so who knows if I'll make it out alive.
Stay black.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I am the only one who thinks I'm going crazy
Hey, so I took a month and change break from writing this blog. In fact I think I actually forgot I even had a blog for awhile there, crazy. Not that anyone reads this besides Brad and Shawn and well, myself, in addition to anyone who might stumble across the page in the vast ocean that is the internet. Really writing on here is akin to writing in a "private" journal and then tossing it open on a table in front of a bunch of people hoping they'll take a moment out of their busy lives and read what I have to say.
And what do I have to say? Well, you dear reader have caught me at something of a transitional period in my life. By that I mean I have a lot of shit going on. I graduated high school on thursday and haven't been very sober since. Not that I was very sober beforehand but I think that prior to thursday I was just doing the whole high school party thing and the past few days I've been doing the grad party thing and now that period is over so I'm either going to be doing the incoming college freshman partying thing or just skipping right to the future alcoholic partying thing. Or maybe the wild and crazy Hunter Thompson-esque author partying gig. Cause I'm publishing a book and all, right?
Yeah, I am. I mentioned that I was writing a book back in some older posts and my hiatus from blogging was largely because I was finishing the book and high school at the same time. And now it's been accepted, I'm publishing it. I send it to this one pretty cool publishing company, and I don't care if they accept every single submission they recieve because I'm still going to be the author of a book with a cover that can be purchased at large chain bookstores, so fuck you.
I have a new girlfriend too. She's this girl I thought hated me for awhile. She was dating my friend and seemed (to be honest) like sort of a standoffish bitch. Then I kinda inadvertantly indirectly incoherently snaked her away from him (sorry bro) and after their break up we talked a lot and boom, relationship city. Turns out she's one of the coolest girls I've ever met. Worlds away from The Ex, as I've dubbed my...uhm...ex. She was fun for awhile and I'm pretty sure I've vaguely mentioned vague feelings for her, more lust now than affection, but my current gal is a superior specimen, I reckon. Maybe that's subconcious bitterness talking, or maybe it's because I can make jokes about giving my friends blowjobs (me, not her) without getting an eye roll and a disgusted look.
This blog probably would've been more in depth if I had written it Thursday night when I had originally intended to, but I got real drunk instead. In fact, I have drinking to do. I'll try and get back to this thing in another month or so. Stay uninterested.
And what do I have to say? Well, you dear reader have caught me at something of a transitional period in my life. By that I mean I have a lot of shit going on. I graduated high school on thursday and haven't been very sober since. Not that I was very sober beforehand but I think that prior to thursday I was just doing the whole high school party thing and the past few days I've been doing the grad party thing and now that period is over so I'm either going to be doing the incoming college freshman partying thing or just skipping right to the future alcoholic partying thing. Or maybe the wild and crazy Hunter Thompson-esque author partying gig. Cause I'm publishing a book and all, right?
Yeah, I am. I mentioned that I was writing a book back in some older posts and my hiatus from blogging was largely because I was finishing the book and high school at the same time. And now it's been accepted, I'm publishing it. I send it to this one pretty cool publishing company, and I don't care if they accept every single submission they recieve because I'm still going to be the author of a book with a cover that can be purchased at large chain bookstores, so fuck you.
I have a new girlfriend too. She's this girl I thought hated me for awhile. She was dating my friend and seemed (to be honest) like sort of a standoffish bitch. Then I kinda inadvertantly indirectly incoherently snaked her away from him (sorry bro) and after their break up we talked a lot and boom, relationship city. Turns out she's one of the coolest girls I've ever met. Worlds away from The Ex, as I've dubbed my...uhm...ex. She was fun for awhile and I'm pretty sure I've vaguely mentioned vague feelings for her, more lust now than affection, but my current gal is a superior specimen, I reckon. Maybe that's subconcious bitterness talking, or maybe it's because I can make jokes about giving my friends blowjobs (me, not her) without getting an eye roll and a disgusted look.
This blog probably would've been more in depth if I had written it Thursday night when I had originally intended to, but I got real drunk instead. In fact, I have drinking to do. I'll try and get back to this thing in another month or so. Stay uninterested.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
today is better than any day that's come before
Everywhere I go, I see sad people. Either the people are sad about how shitty their lives are according to them, or they're happy but not truly happy. There's something missing in most of these people and its kind of sad seeing it knowing that as happy as they seem, when no one's looking they're hurting inside. Well, let me just tell you that 95% of the time, I'm completely happy. Don't get me wrong, there's certainly always room for improvement and the possibility of being completely happier. I'd be a lot happier if I had a million dollars and a couple of blowjobs (or a million blowjobs and a couple of dollars, either way I'd be stoked) but considering what I do have, I think life is pretty fucking great.
I just don't see the point in being sad I guess. Don't get me wrong, stuff gets me bummed out. For example a week before Christmas this girl I really liked and was dating broke up with me. I'd been in a shitty mood for a few days (since I'm almost always happy or angry, every few months I get a weird menstrual-type couple of days where I'm all pissy) and she couldn't deal I guess and ended it. To explain how much I liked this girl let me just state that she was the love of my life. She was the love of my life after the previous love of my life and before the next love of my life. After that I felt real bad for awhile. I moped a lot. I tried to win her back. It still sucks seeing her looking beautiful in class almost every day and wishing I was still with her, at least to some degree, while at the same time slowly realizing more and more of her flaws that I conviently ignored because I dug her for a long time. And yet no matter what happens, even if I love and lose or never love at all...life is great. How can life not be great?
Okay, okay, I'm sure if I lost my entire family or close friends in some horrible accident, or ended up a quadrapalegic or something, life would suck and I wouldn't be too pumped all the time. But knock on wood (which I just did) that won't happen. So what does that leave me to be bummed about? Relationships? No, not gonna do it. They come and go. I'm pretty happy with this girl I'm persuing now, a real cutie. Eventually that'll end and I'll be bummed (or not, depending on how it ends and who ends it) and then I'll move on. I'm almost a high school graduate and then I'll be free to do whatever I want. I'm free to do whatever I want now, I just have the minor obligation of appearing in school five days a week. Yeah, I'll have college in a few months but that's a whole different ballgame. I have great friends, great family, great taste in everything (take that humility!) and a fucking easy life.
So you know what? If you're out there feeling bummed...just knock it off. Just go "hey, this isn't worth it" and stop (exceptions include death and the like, sorry for your loss). You don't need to be feeling shitty, you need to be going to a diner with your friends because you have nothing better to do, or making out with a hot girl/guy/sandwich. Get stoked on life, alright?
It rules.
I just don't see the point in being sad I guess. Don't get me wrong, stuff gets me bummed out. For example a week before Christmas this girl I really liked and was dating broke up with me. I'd been in a shitty mood for a few days (since I'm almost always happy or angry, every few months I get a weird menstrual-type couple of days where I'm all pissy) and she couldn't deal I guess and ended it. To explain how much I liked this girl let me just state that she was the love of my life. She was the love of my life after the previous love of my life and before the next love of my life. After that I felt real bad for awhile. I moped a lot. I tried to win her back. It still sucks seeing her looking beautiful in class almost every day and wishing I was still with her, at least to some degree, while at the same time slowly realizing more and more of her flaws that I conviently ignored because I dug her for a long time. And yet no matter what happens, even if I love and lose or never love at all...life is great. How can life not be great?
Okay, okay, I'm sure if I lost my entire family or close friends in some horrible accident, or ended up a quadrapalegic or something, life would suck and I wouldn't be too pumped all the time. But knock on wood (which I just did) that won't happen. So what does that leave me to be bummed about? Relationships? No, not gonna do it. They come and go. I'm pretty happy with this girl I'm persuing now, a real cutie. Eventually that'll end and I'll be bummed (or not, depending on how it ends and who ends it) and then I'll move on. I'm almost a high school graduate and then I'll be free to do whatever I want. I'm free to do whatever I want now, I just have the minor obligation of appearing in school five days a week. Yeah, I'll have college in a few months but that's a whole different ballgame. I have great friends, great family, great taste in everything (take that humility!) and a fucking easy life.
So you know what? If you're out there feeling bummed...just knock it off. Just go "hey, this isn't worth it" and stop (exceptions include death and the like, sorry for your loss). You don't need to be feeling shitty, you need to be going to a diner with your friends because you have nothing better to do, or making out with a hot girl/guy/sandwich. Get stoked on life, alright?
It rules.
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