Today I got home from school after a long day of feeling like shit (swine flu! spring 09!) and went right to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I checked my myspace because like everyone else in the world, I totally suck. I was surprised to find I had a friend request. I was particularly excited about this friend request because it was, from the looks of the default picture, a really hot girl. So I added the girl and immediately went to check out her pictures. To my surprise...and dismay...this girl wasn't what I had expected. It's not that she had the "angles' going or anything (fuck man, I hate the "angles" and I'm sure I'll blog about that at some point). She actually had a much worse problem. This problem is the strange and often more terrifying cousin to the butherface phenomenon (I'll blog my hatred of that one day too). This girl...had crazy fucking eyes. And I don't mean "crazy" in the sense of "wow her eyes are crazy intense, but in a cool way". I mean FUCKING CRAZY. "We'll go on one date and she'll profess her love and when I don't call her back she'll find me and cut me" crazy. Cuh-fucking-razy. The worst part is that crazy eyes are always, always paired with rocking bodies like this girl had. Anyway, I tried to rationalize her obvious insanity or future insanity by telling myself something like "Well hey man, maybe she has a sensitivity to camera flashes and her eyes open super wide." I wasn't buying it any more than you are but I decided to give it a shot and commented her with something generic like "Thanks for the add pretty lady...do I know you?" cause I'm smooth and at the same time wanted to know who the hell she was.
Fast forward to about ten minutes ago. I'm reading my friend Brad's new blog (because he's a pussy who followed the trend I set after I followed the trend Shawn set after he followed the trend a lot of other people set. Hi Brad!) and he tells an anecdote about getting an add from a girl who looked hot in her profile picture but ended up not being hot and how much that situation tends to suck. He also talks about how he went to explain the situation to a friend (ten bucks says it was Kev) and went to show him the girl's myspace...which was nowhere to be found. That's right, she was gone from his friends list. (That's the jist of what he wrote. Go to http://howfuckingcool.blogspot.com/2009/05/beat-dem-cheeks.html for the rest. Waz good?)
So I IM Brad and say, and I qoute, "Was that girl's name Nichole by any chance?". He exclaims "Yes!". I say "She had crazy fucking eyes right?" and he frantically exlaims "Yes! Yes! Yes!". We've obviously been hoodwinked by the same malevolent force of nature. Out of curiousity I went to check my friends list and sure enough, she was FUCKING GONE! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "whoa now man, you used caps lock twice in this blog" but this is a serious a fucking issue. This girl was obviously an Agent of Satan and frankly I'm a little concerned as to whether or not my soul has been stolen.
Ladies, the moral of this story is...stop fucking with us. If you're bad looking just be bad looking in your myspace default. If you're a total nut make one of the pictures that makes that clear your default. And if you're hot, tell me how much my blogging makes you wanna suck my dick.
See ya next time. <3
P.S. - The Chariot is fucking terrible.
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